How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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