next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
