Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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