So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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