I think I am morally bankrupt
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
