You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
