He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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