I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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