i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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