I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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