I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
