he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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