it was like his penis was on wheels.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
