found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
