Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
