don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
