and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
