I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
