So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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