I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
