I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
