He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
