margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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