There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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