According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm both gender and math confused
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
