I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
