I met the friendliest cop last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
