may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
