i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize