you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
