So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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