some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
