I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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