Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
