i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
