it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
