I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
