i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
