Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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