operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
