**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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