He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
