When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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