He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
