my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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