I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
