my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
