It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the day after is always just damage control
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
