I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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