Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
