Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
