You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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