Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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