How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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