508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
