They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
