You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
