these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize