I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Operation Purity has been aborted
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
