just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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