Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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