if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
