I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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