And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
