A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
