Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize