The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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