return my video game
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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