I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
