Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
