Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
