Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
