Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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