He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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