WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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