I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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