so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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