he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
